One of the many research areas we study as licensed counselors is the topic of where clients get their beliefs. Technically called the Locus of Control, in layman’s terms it means that I assess how much you have thought through what you believe about yourself and life in general, and how much is coming instead from outside sources-parental teachings, society, etc. I strive to help you reach an Internal locus, which means YOU decide. The person with a strong internal locus is more able to withstand the pressures of the opinions of others.
One of the hardest areas to develop an internally strong locus (particularly for women in our culture) is in the area of appearance. Youth and a boyish, preadolescent figure are prized for women in this country and are used as a judge of worth. Tragically, many women waste their lives in constant attempts to fit this mold as they obsess about trying to “measure up.” Our sense of worth goes up and down by the numbers on the scale; talk about an “external” control! In the meantime, life passes us by as we give over our self -worth to other voices. Depression over the inevitability of not being able to fit that imaginary mold takes over.
Here are some ideas I would like you to consider. If I can help you with this issue, don’t hesitate to call me at 972-672-1957 or email me at info@Rockwall-Counseling.com.
1. Challenge every magazine article, TV show, or person that says you are not ok until you change with, “who says?”
2. Put a big red STOP sign up in your head when you say ugly things to yourself. If you wouldn’t insult a friend, why is it OK to insult yourself?
3. Find things you love about your appearance and give them attention and focus. Start with just one.
4. Somewhere on this planet, in this city, in this neighborhood, someone weighs more than you. So What?
5. Somewhere on this planet, in this city, in this neighborhood, someone weighs less than you. So What?
6. Life is to be enjoyed. What do you value in others? Value that in YOURSELF as well. LIVE your values! For instance, if you embrace a religious belief: I don’t know of a single one that praises skinny people for being skinny. Do you?
7. If you are not ready to give up obsessive, self-punishing diets or attitudes now, then when? At what age is it OK to accept yourself? 50? 60? Never?
8. Exercise because it makes you feel good and it greatly relieves depression and anxiety.
9. Hating yourself is like winding a spring tightly. When it lets go, it explodes into a binge of self-destructive behaviors.
10. Everyone’s body is unique. Trying to make yours look like someone else’s makes about as much sense as trying to copy someone’s laugh or expressions.
My clients receive individual attention and extra-special care!