Is Your Marriage Worth Saving?
By: Pare Radillo, LPC-Intern
Debbie Tudor, LPC-Supervisor
Rockwall Counseling, PA
Is your marriage worth saving? Many times couples or individuals come into counseling with this very question at hand. So, how do we go about answering this as a team, or even you as the individual? It’s hard to put a definitive answer on something that is based so much on emotion and years of ups and downs. Add a few children and finances in the mix, and it can become a very overwhelming decision to face. This question can be something that has been contemplated by the couple for a long time, with every day having a different answer. Now for whatever reason you have come to feel pushed into a corner, a timeline, of having to answer yes or no.
So where do we start?
We start by working through how you currently value your marriage. On what scale are you able to say “I’m happy with my marriage today” or “I’m unhappy in this relationship?” Sometimes we find that we have been placing our value on things that are unrealistic or unhealthy. These can be messages from our past or social media expectations. Regardless of the source, we begin by looking at changing these into healthy and realistic values.
After looking through how you value your marriage we can immediately begin to change the nature of the marriage by changing your thoughts or actions alone, and begin to have a happier person working on a marriage. Many times this alone, can change the fate of your relationship. However, sometimes this isn’t enough to save it.
Can your marriage change dramatically by changing you alone? Yes, and this is the first step you should take before taking action to end your marriage. However, sometimes people intentionally work to grow on themselves to become healthier, yet find that they are still unhappy in their marriage. This can be due to the other person not willing to work on becoming healthier themselves. If one partner is looking at the other to provide their happiness, this is a definite direction for an unhappy relationship.
Marriage takes two people working on themselves. Partners should learn to focus on their own needs vs. constantly focusing on how to meet their partners’. The truth is, we cannot make other people as happy as we can make ourselves.
A marriage is always worth saving if both people feel it is worth working to save, and work towards it in a healthy, safe, respectful way. My counseling services allow couples and individuals an opportunity to do just this: assess, process, and begin transforming their lives into healthier and happier ones.