Dear Debbie;
I don’t know what to do next. My life as I knew it has ended. I am going through a divorce that is hard and painful; is there any other kind? Anyway, I am crying a lot and feel myself growing more and more bitter. I can see people avoiding me at work and I can’t blame them. Some of our “couple” friends are behind me, but some others are still talking to her as if nothing happened!
I can’t get past what was done to me. I knew things weren’t great but I didn’t know she was that serious about leaving. I find myself wanting to explain to my kids just what she did so they will know the truth. Everybody has their own ideas about that. What do you think?
Signed,
Without a Guide
Dear “Without;”
Divorce is one of the worst experiences life can throw at us, and there’s no way to just “know” how to handle this in a healthy way without professional help. Your feelings of wanting to assign blame and draw your children into “your side” is normal, but is not what is best for them OR you. You deserve all of your feelings, but they can cripple you without help to overcome and resist the temptation to act on them. For instance, you have to find a way to put this aside a few hours a day at least, so that you can function at work and as a parent. Your children need you more than ever.
This is a good time to depend on your adult family (not hers) and friends for support, but don’t make the mistake of turning to them for legal or psychological advice. Depend on the experts for guidance in what you do next.
Remember: time does NOT heal all wounds by itself. Take care of yourself and your children will benefit too.
Best,