“It just never works to be in contact with my mother,” said my client as she wiped away tears. “I don’t want to cut her out of my life completely, but I can’t keep going back to be sniped at again and again.”
This client and I had already strategized ways to talk to mother assertively, addressing the hurtful comments, to no avail. Her mother flatly refused to admit fault or change her behavior.
Our next step was to set strong boundaries of self protection in specific ways. Here’s a list to help you do just that. Going low or no contact is a deeply individual and personal decision, and no one else can tell you what to do.
Do I want to limit phone conversations? Yes/No
If yes, how many per week/month/year?
Do I want to limit time of day I answer the phone? Yes/No
If so, what are my limits?
Do I want to limit the amount of time I talk? Yes/No
If so, what’s the limit?
Do I want to limit time we spend face to face? Yes/No
If so, what’s that going to look like?
Do I want to remove myself when they are drunk, critical or otherwise inappropriate? Yes/No
Do I want to acknowledge birthdays or holidays? Yes/No
If so, How? Card/phone call/ visit with others present/visit alone
Other ways to protect myself:____________________________
As one of only four therapists in Texas certified in Recovery for victims of a narcissistic parent, spouse, or ex-partner, I can guide you in session on finding what’s right for YOU. Let’s get started!